Blind and In Love

I don't want to have to dig,

just to find out that you're deep.

I want to smell it on your skin,

and feel it; purposefully.

Open hands, arms, mind, heart.

Too much to take in at one time,

so it will linger like radiation.

And when I talk too much,

you'll listen.

But you'll make me stop, sit, silence.

Not empty, but buzzing and overflowing:

electric.

And I'll drink it in, because the less I talk

the more you'll speak to me.

In so many ways I am too much, too little.

But you'll take what I have to offer,

and I'll smile in my sleep.

When you're gone I'll pull pillows close;

breathe in your smell.

Your thoughts are beautiful,

and smell like rain.

It's what I see with my eyes closed that I love most;

You are my senses.

Poetry is Fornication

It starts with the description.
In your mind,
the perception of your feelings.
Turning over like my mom's new energy efficient washer.

Like chat roulette,
and you switch from
weird/unknown
to
sexy/foreign
[thought]

Moving from mystery to tangible.
Grope and probe,
like they signed consent forms.
Sweat as you run your hands down
the chiseled figure.
Statuesque. Concrete. Ideas.

This is when I realize:

Its only because of the rain that I smell the pavement.
I only like rap because they're riddles.
I like to mop for the lemon scent.
I only eat Oreos for the middle.

I'm day dreaming.

Copy Cat

My sister just did a blog creatively recreating a dialogue she had heard.
I was inspired to do the same, and have pulled words and phrases I have heard in my classes/conversations. Life flows together surprisingly well.

Cultura Basura
[Trash Culture]

Back in the day when clocks were clocks,
we sold each others' misfortunes,
los infortunios.

I would still think you are innocent.

Everything is a photograph,
exploded,
dying,
new,
i know,
muchas cosas alli.

I would still think you are innocent.

Promptness in response,
but I would still think you have no other option.
Let's go.
It's like everyday, all day that I see you,
and in all sincerity, don't act like you know me

Hide-and-Seek

My friend Mike was describing this girl that he was falling for. Among other characteristics, he noted that he loves her sleepy eyes:

"It looks like she's either slept too much, or not enough"

He thought they were beautiful, captivating.

This morning, I was getting ready for the day and putting on some makeup. I started with some concealer under my eyes because otherwise I either look like I got punched, or my friend AJ asks if I'm sick. As I was concealing the black circles, I looked at myself in the mirror. I couldn't stop thinking that I was covering up exactly what Mike loved about some girl. And yet, for some reason I felt it necessary to look awake, wide-eyed.

Then I wondered, what other physical traits am I changing simply because I think I should?
What am I covering up that someone is possibly falling in love with?

We could literally hide everything,
but maybe we should ask ourselves:

What are we hiding from?

So now what?

Tonight, we are at Barnes & Nobles. Homework, Starbucks, and inevitable procrastination. During some typical boy conversation I paused to ask Steph, "So now what?" This is usually an answerable question, but right then it did not apply to the context of the conversation. At all.
Steph stopped, "What do you mean 'So now what?'"
...."I don't know" was all I could answer.

I have really been thinking about what to write this blog about, but after that odd question exchange I am left with some more questions.
After losing someone important, what do you do?
Better yet, what comes next after accepting that loss?

I would argue that after some time, it isn't a loss anymore. I firmly believe that even after the most devastating heartbreak or loss, it becomes something much more meaningful than some hole to be filled or some dark untouchable part of our hearts. This may be totally cheesy, but I like to think of my heart as some type of garden or forest or something. A flame meant to simply keep you warm can end up burning the whole damn thing. As much as that sucks, we all know that amazing regrowth that comes after.

So, now what?

We wait for the new blossoms.